Law of Relationships #2 of 4

You reap what you sow. Galatians 6:7 says, Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. This one is all over scripture. We've all heard the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31), treat others like you want to be treated. But rarely are we told the reason. Growing up, I always thought it was just one of those “must do because it's the right thing” things.

But the truth is, even from a selfish point-of-view, we want to do this. Because we reap what we sow. People will treat us the way we treat them. This concept is actually getting a little traction in the culture with the phrase, “Pay it forward.” Or how about the bumper sticker I've seen so often, “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Or to put it more bluntly, “What goes around comes around.” See, even the world has figured this one out.

So what about when I sow kindness and mercy and people give me crap? What about when I'm nice and people are still jerks to me? Huh? What about that?!? Wow, then you're very lucky. Because then, God makes up the difference, because you're being like him. He will be kind and merciful and gentle and understanding to you. He will “pay it forward” to you. And that's way better than any person could ever do anyway.

And if you're really lucky, he'll pay you in currency of intimacy with him. There are no greater riches.

Law of Relationships #1 of 4

The first law (or principle) of relationships that God has woven throughout the fabric of the universe involves the very first relationship we ever had – the one with our parents. “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 5:16) This one is so important it made the Ten Commandments. And it's the first commandment with an explicit blessing (Ephesians 6:2).

In whatever area you honor your parents in, you will be blessed – it will go well with you. That's a promise from God. But the reverse is also true – in whatever area you do not honor your parents in, it will not go well with you.

There's no age limit given in the commandment. Even as an adult living on our own, there's still a blessing for honoring our parents. We can still make our own decisions. But we should listen to them, and prayerfully consider what they say, even if we think they don't know what they're talking about. Just because they're not experts, or even knowledgeable, about the domain they're giving us advice about, doesn't mean it's not from God. God often speaks through parents, especially godly ones, even in stuff they know nothing about. The Holy Spirit is giving us wisdom through them – it will go well with us if we listen, and it will not go well with us if we don't. Ask God how to apply what they've said.

What if they're abusive? We don't have to submit ourselves to unsafe situations. We can set healthy boundaries, and they don't have to like them. Just because they accuse us of being dishonoring doesn't mean we are. But there are healthy boundaries within which we can honor our parents, whether they deserve that honor or not. In an abusive situation, please ask a Christian counselor and your Pastor to help you set healthy boundaries.

Judgements we hold in our hearts about our parents – this is the most common form of dishonoring our parents. We need to release ourselves from that judgement by forgiving them – accepting that they are not the evil they did to us. We can acknowledge that they did evil to us, whether they do or not. But we release them from owing us anything – we claim Jesus' sufferings as payment in full for the wrong they did against us.

See my previous posts about forgiveness for help with this very difficult task.

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/09/the-good-guy-and-bad-guy-chairs.html

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/09/getting-out-of-that-chair.html

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/10/re-profiling.html

God's Physics of Relationships

The laws of God are like gravity. They exist and operate whether we believe in them or not. I'm using the word “law” here like in physics – principles we observe operating universally. God set up these laws to bless us. For example, airplanes, gymnastics, weather and communication satellites – all of these blessings come from understanding the law of gravity and using it properly.

But if we say, “I don't believe in gravity, so I'm going to jump off my roof and fly,” I daresay we are in for a rude awakening and an abrupt landing! Gravity still operates as God designed it whether we believe in it on not. “Gee, that was dumb,” we would say to ourselves as we hobble around the next few weeks on crutches. We injure ourselves if we try to live in opposition to God's law of gravity.

God's principles apply to the saved and unsaved alike. Both saved and unsaved can be blessed by air travel or an around-the-world phone call. Both saved and unsaved alike will be injured if they jump off their garage. Hobble, hobble.

So many of us today, even Christians, hobble through our injured relationships because we don't understand relationship principles, as trustworthy and universal as physical laws, that God wove into the fabric of the universe to bless us. When we live in opposition to them out of ignorance or outright willful sin, we injure ourselves, saved or unsaved. But when we live in accordance with them, that area of our life will be blessed, saved or unsaved.

So these next few blog posts will be fun – stayed tuned as we go through God's 4 laws of relationships. You might find it explains a lot. :) [Kudos to John Sandford and Elijah House Ministries who first codifed this teaching in this form.]

Getting Past the Savior to the Lover

We really gotta get past the Savior thing. Yes, Jesus is totally our Savior, and we love Him for that – while we were yet sinners and hated Him, He demonstrated His love for us in this – Christ died for us (my paraphrase of Romans 5:8).

But for some people, that's it. That sums up their whole relationship with him. God become human and he did this really spectacular thing for them a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, and it's great because now they have this great life insurance policy -- “salvation” and they get to go to heaven, sometime, in the sweet by-and-by. But it all seems very distant and impersonal and far away and, well, just not very relative to their day-to-day life in survival mode.

Jesus didn't die for you so He could be your insurance salesman. He died for you to be your lover. Salvation is just the tip of the iceberg! There is So. Much. More! We can know Him so deep, and with such ferocious intimacy.

Think about this today. Jesus didn't die for you to give you salvation, although that's a byproduct. Salvation was never the point; it was a necessary prerequisite. Jesus died to give you Himself.

Identity from Intimacy

Who we really are, our true identity, flows out of spending time with Jesus.

The world shouts at us constantly. Lies about who we are. Lies about how to be who we are told we want to be. Contradictory lies, one for every possible vulnerability. The enemy only has to win once.

But Jesus whispers who we are. Who we really are. Who he created us to be. Our true destiny. Constantly. Consistently.

If someone's shouting and someone's whispering, you have to be really close to the whisperer to hear them. And we will eventually believe the one we hear the most.

Finding our true destiny depends on our intimacy with Jesus.

“Questions without Answers, Promises Remain”

I went through a horrible time in my life where my family completely fell apart. I was on my face before the Lord for about a year and a half prior, interceding for God to move. When He finally moved, it wasn't what I wanted, and the emotional pain would have been unbearable except for His presence with me.

The Holy Spirit used these words from the bridge of Tenth Avenue North's Hold My Heart to help me survive through it:

     Many questions without answers;

     Your promises remain.

     I can't see but I'll take my chances,

     And hear you call my name.

I did not know how the Lord would come through for me, or why it had to be this way, but I trusted His promises, even though I didn't have any answers. And He came through for me better than I ever thought possible. God is faithful. He came through for me – He will come through for you.

“I Will Never Know How Much it Cost”

The bridge from Here I Am to Worship (originally written and released by Tim Hughes, but since recorded by Chris Tomlin, Jeremy Camp, Lincoln Brewster, and many others) has always meant a lot to me.

     I'll never know how much it cost

     To see my sin up on that cross.

Do we ever think from Jesus' point-of-view instead of our own? We will never even begin to understand how much it cost him to pay for our sins on that cross.

Does that blow anyone else away, or is it just me?

“I Will Change Your Name”

This is an old song I learned when I was in a Vineyard Christian Fellowship, but it still touches me and reminds me about what God says about me today. In this song, God is talking to us:

     I will change your name.

     You shall no longer be called     

     Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid.

     I will change your name.

     Your new name shall be

     Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one,

     Faithfulness, friend of God, one who seeks my face.

Does it touch you like it touches me?

Guarding Our Eye Gates

Your eye is the lamp of the body. When your eye is good, your whole body is also full of light. But when it is bad, your body is also full of darkness. (Luke 11:34)

I can't read certain comic strips anymore. It's amazing how what passes for funny in our society is just negative cynicism. A lot of it isn't funny at all, it's just sad.

Some of these strips have the same theme day-in and day-out:

“Management will never care about me.”

“I'll never be appreciated.”

“You can't trust anyone.”

Yes, it's just a harmless comic strip, but getting a daily dose of cynicism, eventually we can start to form those themes as our bitter-root expectations. At that point, there are spiritual forces we send out, by our agreement with the negativity, to proactively work to make those expectations a reality.

Ever met someone you just instantly disliked before they even spoke? More than likely, it's because they have a bitter-root expectation that no one will like them, and you're feeling the influence of spiritual forces trying to make their expectation a reality by getting you to not like them.

So let's take care what we let our eyes see each day, especially if we know it's negative or cynical. Negativity is not from God.

What You Declare Is Your Choice

Can I take a risk and be really honest here for a moment? Sometimes life is just too hard. I found myself one day struggling with my thoughts. My thoughts kept telling me to say out loud, “I wish I were dead.”

But I've been doing this long enough to recognize spiritual warfare when I see it. It wasn't really my thoughts – it was spiritual forces of darkness. They wanted me to say it out loud because they know the power of our declarations over our life, whether we do or not.

It was a tough day and I was in a lot of pain. A lot of pain. And I'd done some pretty stupid things that day. A part of me (my sin) wanted to say it, wanted to step away from everything God is doing in me. But I just couldn't say it. I couldn't give up on Jesus.

Finally, as I was going to bed I said out loud, “I'm glad to be alive.” Instantly the assaulting thoughts stopped. I had chosen my declaration and there was nothing they could do about it. And I thought, “Why didn't I say that earlier?”

What we declare matters. Let's choose to say out loud what God says about us. It's a good way to both start and end the day!

The Power of Declarations

The Lord's been highlighting to me the negative declarations I make over my own life. I'm generally a pretty positive person, so often I don't even realize I'm doing it. That's why He's highlighting it and pointing it out. He can't graduate me or you to the next level until we conquer our declarations.

When you have a challenging task, have you caught yourself saying:

“This'll be too hard.”

“I don't know if I can do this.”

Instead, how about, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)”?

It's ok to just factually admit the upcoming challenge is hard, but what declaration is our heart making?