Law of Relationships #1 of 4

The first law (or principle) of relationships that God has woven throughout the fabric of the universe involves the very first relationship we ever had – the one with our parents. “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 5:16) This one is so important it made the Ten Commandments. And it's the first commandment with an explicit blessing (Ephesians 6:2).

In whatever area you honor your parents in, you will be blessed – it will go well with you. That's a promise from God. But the reverse is also true – in whatever area you do not honor your parents in, it will not go well with you.

There's no age limit given in the commandment. Even as an adult living on our own, there's still a blessing for honoring our parents. We can still make our own decisions. But we should listen to them, and prayerfully consider what they say, even if we think they don't know what they're talking about. Just because they're not experts, or even knowledgeable, about the domain they're giving us advice about, doesn't mean it's not from God. God often speaks through parents, especially godly ones, even in stuff they know nothing about. The Holy Spirit is giving us wisdom through them – it will go well with us if we listen, and it will not go well with us if we don't. Ask God how to apply what they've said.

What if they're abusive? We don't have to submit ourselves to unsafe situations. We can set healthy boundaries, and they don't have to like them. Just because they accuse us of being dishonoring doesn't mean we are. But there are healthy boundaries within which we can honor our parents, whether they deserve that honor or not. In an abusive situation, please ask a Christian counselor and your Pastor to help you set healthy boundaries.

Judgements we hold in our hearts about our parents – this is the most common form of dishonoring our parents. We need to release ourselves from that judgement by forgiving them – accepting that they are not the evil they did to us. We can acknowledge that they did evil to us, whether they do or not. But we release them from owing us anything – we claim Jesus' sufferings as payment in full for the wrong they did against us.

See my previous posts about forgiveness for help with this very difficult task.

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/09/the-good-guy-and-bad-guy-chairs.html

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/09/getting-out-of-that-chair.html

http://www.davewernli.com/2014/10/re-profiling.html